Love and Happiness: Contentment is the Kernel of Happiness

By Sukhvinder Singh

Kabir highlighted the importance of santosh or contentment in our lives. Indian culture teaches us to be content in all situations. But today, we are not happy with the grades our child gets, our pay packet, our spouse, or our ageing parents. Much of the stress in our lives is the result of our inability to be content with what we have.

The natural and healthy growth of children is hampered by unreasonable expectations of parents. A child is a gift of God and should be allowed to grow like a sapling. All saplings do not grow to the same height, nor do they produce flowers of equal size and shape. Like a mountain stream, a child must be allowed to chart her own course in life. Any attempt to alter or modify her natural course would curtail spontaneity. It is better to allow one's child to be, and let her enjoy life rather than coerce her to do what she does not like.

Materialism begets needless unhappiness. The failure to live within one's means leads to unprecedented corruption in all walks of life. Unlimited income, more often than not, leads to indulgence and ill-health, and there can be no happiness in the absence of good health. It is essential that an individual plans his expenditure and is satisfied with his income. A portion of one's income must be set aside for charity to help the less privileged. It is not without reason that charity is given a place of prominence in all religions. Contentment and charity go hand-in-hand.

Nowadays, marriages increasingly end in acrimony and divorce. Earlier, couples were content; they made space for each other, perhaps also because of the joint family tradition. To forge a successful relationship, it is essential to accept perceived shortcomings of a spouse and work together towards self-improvement by helping each other in times of distress. By concentrating on the good qualities of one's partner, one can rescue a floundering relationship.

Following the disintegration of the joint family, loneliness in old age has become a cause for concern. Loneliness becomes doubly painful after loss of a life partner in old age. But upon some reflection, it would appear that loneliness can be translated into solitude. A number of people, the young included, take to the hills in search of solitude.

Therefore, it is important to accept loneliness and turn it into solitude instead of entertaining expectations from children. The renowned sufi poet Bulle Shah asked his spiritual guide why he was unable to concentrate on anything. The latter who was planting onion saplings, uprooting them from one place only to plant them again in another place, said "Bulleya man da ki samjhauna edhron putna odhar launa "(Bulleya, it is only a question of making your mind understand, shifting it from one issue to another.) In our old age we must shift our focus from our children to cultivate other interests such as the study of scriptures, yoga, travelling, pranayama and community service. One should prepare for this situation in life by taking occasional breaks from family ties even before old age comes upon us.

Accepting the will of God (Bhagwan ki marzi) is another important aspect of Indian tradition. It is this spirit which helps the poorest of the poor to live cheerfully. To be content with one's lot and accept the will of God in difficult times helps in the attainment of peace and happiness. A lot of our discontent can be traced to the habit of making comparisons. Comparing one's income, child or spouse with others leads to unhappiness. Once we learn to be content, we can be happy and stress-free. Greed, and not need, causes discontent. A need can be fulfilled, greed never.